"SHOWTIME" (Lights up.) (An outdoor cafe. TREY is the only customer. He's dressed very nicely. A few paces away is LARRY, a professional cameraman putting the final touches on his camera set-up.) TREY We all set? LARRY We're set. TREY Good. Set the mood, get some good "quiet character" stuff. LARRY Any time. TREY We go in five. . .four. . .three. . .(mouths "two"). . . (TREY immediately snaps into character- the suave loner.) (Enter SUZANNE, a young woman.) TREY (taken by surprise) We're live. (SUZANNE spots TREY.) SUZANNE You must be Trey. TREY My, my. The French police must be combing the Louvre with a fine-toothed comb wondering where the Venus de Milo has run off to. Don't worry. You're secret's safe with me. (TREY kisses SUZANNE's hand.) SUZANNE How sweet. TREY Please. (offers her a seat) I asked the maitre-d for a private table, and he certainly gave us one unencumbered by waiters. SUZANNE I don't mind waiting. TREY I don't either. (TREY swings into his seat.) SUZANNE Marla tells me you're an accountant. TREY Accountancy is what I do. It isn't what I am. SUZANNE Oh, yes. Of course. I meant. . . TREY It's quite all right. Steve tells me you work in a bookstore. SUZANNE Yes. Pages for the Ages. Do you shop there? TREY I don't get much time to read. SUZANNE Work keeps you busy, huh? TREY No. I just prefer television. SUZANNE Oh. (SUZANNE looks disappointed. TREY drops character.) TREY Crap. I want to take that again. SUZANNE What? LARRY I'm good to go. TREY We'll go in five. . .four. . .three. . .(mouths "two") (TREY snaps back into character.) TREY Who needs to look through dusty old books to find beauty? I see everything I need in your eyes. SUZANNE Who were you just talking to? TREY It doesn't matter. SUZANNE I think it does. TREY No, no. The only thing that matters is that two lost souls have found each other across the vastness of time. . . SUZANNE Whoa, whoa, whoa. You were talking to that guy over there and then you counted down. TREY He's my cameraman. SUZANNE Your what?! TREY My cameraman. Can we talk about something else, please? SUZANNE Why do you have a cameraman? TREY Is that really important? SUZANNE To me it is. TREY He's filming the movie of my life. SUZANNE The movie of your life? TREY Yes. Okay? Let's move on. How about a nice bottle of wine? Waiter! SUZANNE Why are you making a movie about your life? TREY I'm not making a movie about my life. I'm making a movie of my life. My life. On film. Movie of my life. Everybody does it. I just have an actual cameraman. SUZANNE What do you mean "everybody does it"? TREY Everybody acts like they're the star of a movie about their life. You've taken the freeway, haven't you? You see these guys in these pathetic Ford Tauruses zipping through traffic like Steve McQueen and you just know in their heads they're thinking they're in the middle of an exciting chase scene even though they're really just heading to the supermarket for some double chocolate chip. Well, I never was really good at imagining I was in a movie, so I hired Larry. . . LARRY How's it going? TREY To shoot the movie of my life. I highly recommend it. You wouldn't believe how much better my pick-up lines have gotten since we started production. SUZANNE That's kind of crazy. TREY Not really. What's crazy is acting like you're not living in a narcissistic nightmare of a society and trying to be all altruistic and stuff. It's the same deal. I drive fast and pick up chicks. . . SUZANNE Chicks?! TREY Maybe you give money to Greenpeace and send food to some orphan in Chile. No difference whatsoever. Mine is The Fast and the Furious and yours is City of Joy. Mine did better at the box office, by the way. Waiter! SUZANNE You actually believe that? (DONALD steps out of the shadows.) DONALD Excuse me. TREY Believe it? I live it, sister. DONALD Excuse me. SUZANNE That's just sad. TREY Waiter! SUZANNE I can't believe you are so far inside yourself that you actually think that. . . DONALD Suzanne. . . SUZANNE Shh. You actually think that it's somehow desirable. . . DONALD Suzanne. . . SUZANNE To live like. . . TREY I think that guy's trying to get your attention. SUZANNE No, he's not. What kind of weirdo. . . DONALD Suzanne, I'm out of film. SUZANNE What?! DONALD I'm out of film. SUZANNE Oh, you gotta be kidding! DONALD I'm sorry. I thought I brought a new box from the studio, but I guess I accidentally packed a box of footage instead. It would have been all right if you hadn't gone for the extra latte this morning. All that slo-mo of you licking froth off your lips? That really eats up the stock.