(PRE-SHOW: The living room of the farmhouse, lit as it will be through most of the play. The TV is on, playing to the empty room. The screen cannot be seen by the audience. A Western is on. Not one of the revisionist or jokey Westerns of the last few decades. An old Western where the God-fearing white man wrested the Holy Land from the heathen savages. It is periodically interrupted by commercials and is clearly a Friday night movie on a local TV station, as if such a thing even exists anymore. The only other sound is the plaintive HOWLS OF SEVERAL DOGS outside. As there will be no house lights in the typical sense, the start of the play will be signalled by the TV going to the jarring sound of static.) (The WIND BLOWS gently but persistently outside. A BRANCH SCRAPES against the side of the house, intermittently.) (ROSEMARY enters dressed in housework clothes. She looks at the room and it seems to sap her will to live. The dogs get her attention. She goes to the window.) (EDISON, dressed in non-terribly-dirty work clothes, enters from the kitchen with a bowl of ice cream. He sees ROSEMARY and immediately exits.) EDISON (OFF) What are you doing in there? ROSEMARY I was going to clean. EDISON (OFF) You don't need to clean in there. ROSEMARY It's filthy. EDISON (OFF) The bathroom is what needs cleaning. ROSEMARY The bathroom is fine. I cleaned it already. What are they going on about? EDISON (OFF) They? ROSEMARY The boys. EDISON (OFF) Who knows and if they do, who cares? ROSEMARY They seem upset about something. EDISON (OFF) Always whining about something. Can't trust them. ROSEMARY It must be something. EDISON (OFF) It's not. Are you going to do anything about this bathroom? ROSEMARY I told you it's clean. I cleaned it this morning. (There is a THUD from the bathroom. A wet THUD.) EDISON (OFF) Looks dirty to me. (ROSEMARY sighs the story of her life and exits towards the bathroom. EDISON enters the living room once the coast is clear. He has it to himself. Happiness reigns. He sits in his favorite chair and looks at his stolen treat.) ROSEMARY (OFF) What happened in here? EDISON Things get dirty, Rosie. It takes constant vigilance to keep them neat and shiny. ROSEMARY (OFF) You need more than that when you live with someone who makes it their sole purpose to reverse everything you try to do. EDISON That is true, Rosie. But I have determined myself to love you despite those setbacks. ROSEMARY (OFF) You know I can't stand it when you call me "Rosie". (EDISON is lost in his bowl of ice cream. He takes a huge spoonful and looks up to enjoy his movie.) EDISON Don't you start with me now. (EDISON sets the bowl down and beats on the TV.) EDISON All I do. Only thing I ask. One night. Not too much. And the bastards have to. Ruin everything! ROSEMARY (OFF) What are you doing? EDISON Fighting fate. (EDISON gives up and regards the TV. It has won this round. He changes the station. A World War II movie. He gloats at the TV.) EDISON Better yet. (EDISON returns to his seat and takes his bowl.) EDISON It never ends. (The DOGS HOWLS have increased in volume and intensity by this point.) (ROSEMARY enters.) ROSEMARY What are they upset about? (EDISON quickly shoves the bowl under his chair, getting his fingers covered in goo. He begins to lick them clean.) EDISON What does it matter? ROSEMARY Someone could be in the yard. EDISON Who would want to be in the yard? ROSEMARY Someone you wouldn't want to be there. EDISON That narrows it down not at all. ROSEMARY They sound like-- What are you doing? EDISON Nothing. ROSEMARY It's disgusting. EDISON Shh. Shh. Shows on. ROSEMARY Are you going to go out and look? EDISON Look at what? ROSEMARY At what they're up and about over. EDISON It's nothing. I could stare at the wall and learn just as much as going out there. ROSEMARY It makes me nervous when they are like that. EDISON It would make you feel better if I looked? ROSEMARY Yes, it would. EDISON It would put an end to this line of inquiry? ROSEMARY For the moment. EDISON Then it's worth it. (EDISON gets up from his chair and goes to the front door. Opens it and sticks his head out. As he does, ROSEMARY begins to clean around his chair.) EDISON Shut up!! (He slams the door.) EDISON It was nothing. What are you doing? ROSEMARY I have to clean. EDISON Now? ROSEMARY When else will I get the chance? EDISON It's all you ever do. ROSEMARY If you keep making it messy, I'll have to always be cleaning it. EDISON I'll clean it. ROSEMARY That's ridiculous. EDISON I can clean this house as good as anyone. ROSEMARY You can? EDISON I've been in it longer than you. I know what it's supposed to look like. ROSEMARY It's supposed to have sawdust all over the floors and furniture. EDISON It's not all over. ROSEMARY Everything! EDISON A man's house should be covered in sawdust. ROSEMARY It's no way for anyone to live. EDISON The leavings of hard work. ROSEMARY Hard work. EDISON Work with your hands, you leave a trail. ROSEMARY Unless you clean it up. EDISON I clean up just fine. See? (shows her his freshly licked fingers) Clean as my conscience. ROSEMARY Sick. EDISON You think I need it clean. ROSEMARY I need it clean. EDISON You think I can't manage it on my own. When you up and walk out that door-- ROSEMARY Oh, stop it. EDISON When you up and walk out that door one day. One day soon. ROSEMARY Stop it. EDISON Who will clean up? Who will take care of the-- ROSEMARY Stop! EDISON I don't need everything in neat piles to be happy. That's a sentence you impose on yourself. You threw me in the same dungeon. But I can still rattle my chains. ROSEMARY Stay out of the way. EDISON I was minding my own business before you came blowing through here. ROSEMARY Watch your show and stay out of my way. EDISON Deal. (EDISON makes a great show of watching TV while keeping an eye on ROSEMARY. She stands in the room and looks for something to clean. She gives up and exits.) (The DOGS START BARKING.) EDISON Would you SHUT! UP! ROSEMARY (OFF) Stay out of the kitchen. EDISON There's nothing in there I want. ROSEMARY (OFF) That's right. (EDISON retrieves his bowl from under the chair. A melted mess.) EDISON Will you not tarry with me one hour? (EDISON tries to see what he can salvage from the bowl. Nothing. Attempts to drink it. Is repulsed by the idea. Relinquishes the bowl. Tries to watch TV.) (ROSEMARY suddenly enters with a milk crate full of C clamps. She tosses it to the floor.) ROSEMARY What are these doing in the pantry? EDISON Show's on. ROSEMARY What's that? (EDISON looks around as if he doesn't know what she's talking about.) ROSEMARY It's after nine-o-clock. EDISON I'm aware of that. ROSEMARY You don't need all of that fat and sugar before bedtime. EDISON I'm not going to bed. I'm watching my show. ROSEMARY Why did you get it? EDISON I wanted it. ROSEMARY That's not an answer. EDISON I needed it. ROSEMARY You needed it. EDISON With the upsetting news. ROSEMARY What upsetting news? EDISON I didn't tell you? ROSEMARY No, what is it? EDISON Your Uncle John. ROSEMARY What? EDISON Honey, he died. ROSEMARY He did? EDISON Yes, sweetie. Just like that. ROSEMARY Oh, no. EDISON Here one second and gone the next. ROSEMARY How did it happen? EDISON Johnny was never anybody's idea of healthy. ROSEMARY He wasn't very old. EDISON Three years ahead of me. ROSEMARY Three years. EDISON It gives a man pause. ROSEMARY Not a very long time. EDISON No. ROSEMARY Before you know it, it will be upon us. EDISON Best not to dwell on it. ROSEMARY Three short years. EDISON God forbid. ROSEMARY Why didn't you tell me? EDISON I meant to. ROSEMARY Should we send something? EDISON It's all taken care of. ROSEMARY We have to go and pay our respects. EDISON Yes. That would be something we should do. ROSEMARY When should we go? EDISON We should discuss that. ROSEMARY It's such a long trip all of a sudden. EDISON We should discuss it. ROSEMARY Yes. EDISON Have some ice cream and talk it over. ROSEMARY Ice cream? EDISON It will make you feel better. ROSEMARY Maybe. EDISON It would. At a time like this you should treat yourself. ROSEMARY I could have a little. EDISON Yes, Rosie. Have a little ice cream. And we can talk about the trip. ROSEMARY I will. EDISON Good. (ROSEMARY exits.) EDISON Could I have some with you? ROSEMARY I'll get you some, Daddy. EDISON Thank you, honey. (EDISON silently thanks the gods and settles in to watch his show. The DOGS BARKING picks up in intensity.) (EDISON tries to lose himself in his movie.) ROSEMARY What are they going on about? EDISON They're barking at whispers. Brains the size of walnuts wrapped in a wad of smelly fur and hunger. They wouldn't know a threat from a-- (The front door THUMPS with a light impact. It shudders. The doorknob rattles, but the lock keeps it from turning. The rattling becomes more and more frantic and then stops. The DOGS WHIMPER AND QUIET DOWN.) (EDISON stares at the door.) (ROSEMARY enters with two bowls of ice cream.) ROSEMARY Here. There wasn't a lot left. This one has the most. You have it. EDISON No. You take it. I can have the other. ROSEMARY No, I couldn't possibly eat that much. EDISON Okay. (ROSEMARY takes a seat and they watch and eat.) ROSEMARY Tastes good. EDISON Tastes great. ROSEMARY So bad for you. EDISON All the great things are. (Silence.) ROSEMARY I can't believe he's gone. EDISON Mmm. ROSEMARY When was the last time I saw him? EDISON I'm sure I couldn't remember. ROSEMARY He was always so nice to me. EDISON He was? ROSEMARY Wasn't he? EDISON If those are your memories, I wouldn't do anything to change them. ROSEMARY He bought me something once. EDISON Did he. ROSEMARY Yes. EDISON Was it nice? ROSEMARY I think it was. EDISON Johnny was always the charming one. ROSEMARY Mother liked him so much. (EDISON looks at ROSEMARY for a long, pregnant pause.) ROSEMARY She'll be so upset when she hears about it. EDISON Then it's a good thing she didn't stick around to find out. (Silence.) ROSEMARY When are we going to leave? EDISON Leave? ROSEMARY To go to the funeral. EDISON Oh, yes. (EDISON thinks hard while ROSEMARY waits for his answer. Nothing but the TV noise and the DOGS BARKING to fill the space.) (From the back of the house A WINDOW BREAKS.) ROSEMARY Mercy! EDISON What is it now? ROSEMARY I knew there was something wrong. (EDISON puts his bowl down reluctantly. Gets up and exits. ROSEMARY follows.) EDISON (OFF) Does it never end. ROSEMARY (OFF) Someone tried to get in. EDISON (OFF) It was a tree limb. ROSEMARY (OFF) It couldn't have been. EDISON (OFF) Tree limb! ROSEMARY (OFF) Don't do that! You're going to-- EDISON (OFF) I think I've been on this Earth a bit longer than you, girl. I think I've used that time to learn a few things, one of which is how to clean up a broken window without-- Shoot! ROSEMARY (OFF) Told you. EDISON (OFF) It went right through to the bone! ROSEMARY (OFF) Don't be a crybaby. EDISON (OFF) Look at it! It's hanging by a thread! ROSEMARY (OFF) It isn't. It's just a small-- EDISON (OFF) Almost took my hand off! ROSEMARY (OFF) I told you to be careful. EDISON (OFF) I'm dying! ROSEMARY (OFF) Sit still and let me patch it up. EDISON (OFF) Hurry! ROSEMARY (OFF) I'd get it done faster if you would just SIT STILL! (During the preceding, the following will occur: The DOGS BARKING reaches a fever pitch. The TV goes to RAGING STATIC The front door is rammed open by a terrified STRANGER who immediately slams the door shut and looks out the window. He is worn looking: sweaty, dirty, and torn. He has clearly been running a great distance and is out of breath. He is scared to the point of catatonia. The STRANGER tries to keep the door shut, but the latch is now broken. He checks the window again, looks around the room, heads for the buffet. He tries to push it in front of the door but it will not budge. He stalks off into another part of the house (through the audience if feasible).)