"DUTCH"

                                   (EDDIE, smoking a bowl, sits in a chair
                                   watching The Osbournes on TV.)

                                   (DUTCH enters.)

                                   EDDIE
            Hey, Dutch.

                                   (DUTCH exits the opposite side of the
                                   stage.  EDDIE looks confused.)

                                   (After a moment, DUTCH enters with a
                                   beer.  He stands near EDDIE, looking at
                                   the TV.)

                                   EDDIE
            Dude.

                                   DUTCH
            How's tricks?

                                   (Pause.)

                                   EDDIE
            You okay?

                                   DUTCH
            I used to spend nine hours a day baiting crab traps with bull
            lips.  Almost anything's an improvement over that.

                                   EDDIE
            Didn't expect to see you today.

                                   DUTCH
            Life and other things is full of surprises.

                                   EDDIE
            Is there something you want?

                                   DUTCH
            Nah.  I came by to tell you something.  Figured while I was
            here. . . (waggles beer bottle at him)

                                   EDDIE
            Sure.

                                   (Pause.)

                                   DUTCH
                          (indicating TV)
            What the hell is this?

                                   EDDIE
            Oh.  Yeah.  You see, this dude?  He's like famous and all? 
            And they follow him around with a camera all the time?  So,
            you get to see what he's doing all the time.

                                   DUTCH
            Looks like tons of fun.

                                   EDDIE
            Hey, Dutch, I'm sorry I. . .

                                   DUTCH
            Yeah.

                                   EDDIE
            No, I mean, I wanted to. . .

                                   DUTCH
            Right.

                                   EDDIE
            They had the funeral on a Tuesday. . .

                                   DUTCH
            I know.

                                   EDDIE
            I couldn't make it.

                                   DUTCH
            You're a busy man.

                                   (Long pause.)

                                   EDDIE
            You pissed?

                                   (Pause.)

                                   DUTCH
            Nah.  I just came by to tell you something.

                                   EDDIE
            Hey, you wanna. . .?

                                   (EDDIE offers DUTCH his bong.)

                                   DUTCH
            I wouldn't know the first thing to do with that.

                                   EDDIE
            You put your finger over this little hole and then you. . .

                                   DUTCH
            That's all right.  I'm not going to be here that long.  You
            keep fooling around with that stuff, you're gonna end up just
            like me.

                                   EDDIE
            You didn't turn out so bad.

                                   DUTCH
            You don't think so.

                                   EDDIE
            No.  You got a big house, cool wife, couple kids.  You're own
            plane.

                                   DUTCH
            Sure.  Rub it in.

                                   EDDIE
            Sorry.

                                   DUTCH
            Don't sweat it.

                                   (Pause.)

                                   EDDIE
            I saw your picture in the paper.

                                   DUTCH
            All the way down here?

                                   EDDIE
            Mom sent me a copy.

                                   DUTCH
            That was nice of her.

                                   EDDIE
            She figured I'd want to see it.

                                   DUTCH
            Did you?

                                   EDDIE
            I guess.

                                   DUTCH
            Front page of the Metro section.

                                   EDDIE
            Yeah.