"CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP" (BILL, the boss, sits at his desk, waiting. His buzzer buzzes.) BILL Yeah. MINDY (over speakerphone) Someone to see you, sir. BILL Who is it? MINDY (over speakerphone) He won't say. BILL Get rid of him. MINDY (over speakerphone) He says it's urgent. BILL Oh, fine. Whatever. Send him in. (WILHOIT, an intense young man with an assault rifle, enters. He's dressed in middle-management clothes.) BILL Make it quick. The boys from corporate are up my ass with penlights and depth charges. WILHOIT I was fired last week, sir. BILL Human resources isn't my department. Go see Ed Taylor. WILHOIT I saw him already. BILL Then what do you want from me? (WILHOIT throws his manifesto down onto Bill's desk.) WILHOIT Please read this, sir. BILL Don't have time. What are the high points? WILHOIT It's my manifesto. BILL Your mani-what-so? WILHOIT My manifesto. BILL Look, my time is money, son, (catches sight of the rifle) so I'd be happy to give this the once-over. (reading) "This is addressed to all the shitters of the world. This is the cry of one man who refused to take it anymore." (looking up) If you don't mind my saying, your syntax could use some work. I mean, look at this first sentence. What a cumbersome wreck. "This is addressed to all the shitters of the world." I'm falling asleep. Punch it up. How about "Dear Shitters" or just plain old "Shitters!"? WILHOIT Please keep reading. BILL Just a suggestion. (reading) "This is addressed blah, blah, blah. . .cry of one who yadda, yadda, yadda. . .Okay. "Your day of reckoning is at hand. Take, eat, this is my vengeance." Oh, you're going about this all wrong, what'd you say your name was? WILHOIT Herb Wilhoit. BILL What department are you with? WILHOIT Marketing. BILL One of Bill Miller's boys. WILHOIT Yes. BILL You already. . . WILHOIT He was first. BILL Bet he went out screaming and begging. WILHOIT Yes, sir. BILL Pussy. Why'd he fire you? WILHOIT Because he crept into my inadequacy and wore it as the pelt of a slaughtered beast. BILL What was the official reason? WILHOIT He said my copy was too wordy. BILL Aha! He had a point there. Now, you may not be in the market for any advice right now, Wilhoit, but I'd like to pass along some pointers, if you don't mind. I mean, I'm clearly at the end of my road now, but you have your whole life ahead of you. WILHOIT Okay. BILL Let's start with presentation. Look at yourself. What are you saying to me? WILHOIT Sup on my rage? BILL You may think that, but that's not what I'm hearing. From here it sounds like, "Look at the big pantload with the gun". No offense, just my gut reaction. WILHOIT What should I do? BILL Let's see how you take care of business. Pretend. . . Ah, pretend shit. (punches intercom button) Elwood! Get in my office! (to Johnson) I don't know who said "the meek shall inherit the Earth", but he was talking out of his ass, Wilhoit. Life is for the bold. You might want to write that down. (ELWOOD, slick manager type, enters.) ELWOOD You wanted to see me, sir? BILL Hey, Jimmy, how's the wife and kids? ELWOOD Great. BILL Beautiful. Help me teach Wilhoit here a thing or two about presentation. ELWOOD Glad to. BILL Alright, Wilhoit. Show me how you handle yourself. (WILHOIT puts the rifle to ELWOOD's head.) WILHOIT You messed with the wrong guy. BILL That's terrible. Are you scared, Jimmy. ELWOOD Not in the least. BILL See? Here. Give me the gun. (takes gun) How far do you think I'd have gotten if I'd pulled that choirboy shit you just showed me? I'd be lucky to be slinging envelopes in the mailroom is where I'd be. Face it, Wilhoit. You wanna play with the Big Boys, you gotta play like a Big Boy. Watch this. (to Elwood) Are you my bitch? ELWOOD Excuse. . . (BILL shoots ELWOOD dead.) BILL See? Sure, the end result is the same, but it has so much more clarity. People don't have time to read anymore. They need the action BAM! WHAM! POW! before they lose interest. Of course, once the job is done, feel free to finesse it. (BILL fires more shots into ELWOOD.)